I was trying to trim the sticky-out bits off my moustache this morning but I started thinking about football, as you do when you are naked in the bathroom, and my hands started to shake with rage.
I nearly lost a nostril.
My mind had taken a turn down the dark, sinister, alley where thoughts about FIFA, the cheating, world cup fixing, disgraceful scum-bags lurk in shadowy recesses.
First they change the rules in the middle of the tournament to help out France and Portugal. Then they let the French get away with blatantly cheating the Irish out of their place in The World Cup!
Some people are all for seeding and I am not really arguing with them. If it was clear in the rules from the beginning then fair enough. But it wasn't, the rules were altered half way through!!
Remember playing football in the park, jumpers for goalposts, teams picked to be as even as possible.
Your team would be winning, first to 10 and 7-3 up, then you'd see the kid walking across the park who can dribble the ball like Maradona.
Handbags would be drawn, accusations would start, friendships would begin to falter and the poor skilful kid just would end up being told he can't play until the next game.
He'd have to do keepy uppies at the side of the pitch until the game was finished.
Why? Because children are taught by their parents to believe in fair play. You can't just change the rules in the middle of a game.
But what do FIFA teach your children? What does football in general teach them?
The modern game's philosophy is get away with whatever you can. It doesn't matter if you cheat, just as long as you win son, that's all that matters.
For example, changing the rules of the biggest sporting event in the world to help out your mates!!
Then, in a game that was already a fix, Thierry Henry cheats a nation out of their chance to go to the world cup by handling the ball. Listen kids, I got away with it so that makes it OK, his sly smile proclaimed.
And to make it worse, Damien Duff, one of the star players on the losing side, says he doesn't blame Henry and would have done the same thing himself if he had the opportunity at the other end.
So what you are saying there Damien is that you are cheat too?
It wasn't the ref's fault, he just didn't see it, he's made a mistake. Maybe he's a bit crap but really that's irrelevant. Thierry Henry, the dishonourable, cheating, French unpublishable is the one to blame!
I love football. I love the world cup, the drama, the passion and sometimes the controversy.
I hate the footballers who bring disgrace on the game, diving, shirt pulling, deliberately getting your 'friend' sent off in a world cup quarter final and winking at your team mates.
I hate the fascist politics and underhandedness of FIFA and organisations like the premiership.
Whatever happened to sportsmanship? Was it the money that did it? Power corrupts and all that?
Whatever it was, football is a now a hive of cheating, lies and corruption.
Anything to get the win, get the money, get the fame. Fans? Who cares about them, the stupid mugs'll keep handing over their money. They are stupid enough to believe in things like loyalty and commitment.
Do you want your kids to grow up to be honourable, honest, upstanding members of the community?
Yes? Then stop them watching football immediately!
And now back to charity and moustaches. Have a look at my progress on facebook and at how much my team, of two, has raised here http://uk.movember.com/mospace/107595
Oh and if you feel like it... MAKE A DONATION it goes towards helping men with prostate cancer. THANKS!
You are so strong. They will not catch you.
12 years ago
4 comments:
This from Glyn "it definitely bounced" Semple, who rubbed salt in the wound to hit a four of the next delivery, giving us a handsome advantage in a fixture we eventually won by four runs?
At least your fumbling the ball for a six during their innings went some way towards repairing the damage, you perfidious Prod.
God, my English was terrible in that comment. Anyone would think I got pissed last night.
Perhaps you have forgotten the incident in the first innings when Sherry was given the benefit of the doubt in a bouncing decision? Your accusations of corruption are about as believable as Sinn Fein councillor's! I am upset you think I would be as duplicitous as that French twat that I am no longer going to give the dignity of naming.
Glyn, you definitely have history here. I remember, car park cricket when i was given out stumped by yourself when en route to a match winning hundred....how you could see from your position of behind the salt bin and ford cortina, i do not know, but i abided by the umpires decision (yourself obviously as it was your stumps, bat and ball)After that day i swore never to follow the referees decison again..
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